Birds and the Bees

A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears.

"Promise me you won't tell me."

Confused, the father asked what was wrong.

"Oh dad," the boy sobbed, "when I was 6 I got the there's no Santa speech. At 7, I got the there's no Easter Bunny speech. When I Was 8, you hit me with the there's no Tooth Fairy' speech. If you tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for.

Good tricks for 10 dollar...

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied: ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.

The mother told her daughter: "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties." ''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."

The mother replied: "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy! I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

A Hard Lesson...

Antonio came home from school one day and his granmother asked him what he learned. He said the teacher told them all about penises, vaginas and masturbation. The grandmother slapped him hard across the face and told him to go to his room. Antonio rushed upstairs crying.
After a few minutes the grandmother realised she had acted wrongly and went upstairs to apologise to Antonio. When she opened his room door he was lying on his bed masturbating. She told Antonio that when he had finished his homework she would like a word with him.

Where is God

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.

The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"

The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The eight-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

Your mommy is a whore for an ice cream...

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom : "Now what do I do?"

Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking ice cream."